


'Don't think I won't'

by Tavu



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crying, M/M, One Shot, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 12:35:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18388568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tavu/pseuds/Tavu
Summary: A Zarry Au where they come together to be repelled away.





	'Don't think I won't'

Harry dips his fingers in the black paint and swirls it around the canvas, left and right, left and right, a pattern until it's nothing but layers and layers of black on the canvas, _angry and dark._

 

"Harry?" And Harry stops, he's here again, _Zayn_. Harry looks at him, standing at the door with his arms folded and a warm smile, a smile Harry thinks , no he knows, is for him, _only_ him.

"You haven't been picking up my calls again." Zayn sighs and enters the room. He starts to pick up the art supplies careless thrown on the floor and puts them all on the table, neatly. Zayn does that to Harry, he'll come like a whirl of wind and Harry feels a little less messed up, a little more wanted.

I assume you haven't eaten?" Zayn looks at him, pinched eyebrows.

"You don't have to do this Zayn." Harry sighs. " You don't. I'm fine."

"I'm making something to eat, go shower." And Zayn leaves.

 

-

Harry walks to the kitchen in a pair of pants, with water still dripping from his curls. Zayn just has his tank top on and he's busy stirring the soup. Harry keeps his movements limited, nothing to interrupt the softness of the moment, nothing to let the cruelty of their relationship dawn on them. Because Zayn right here, right now, is Harry's.

Zayn looks back up at him, and Harry blinks, Zayn smiles and goes back to stirring. Harry walks up to him then, helps in setting plates. "You smell good." Harry bites his lip, but a smile still breaks on his face, a huge smile and he whispers, "Thankyou."

And Harry can see it, from the corner of his eye, Zayn's smiling too. And the fragility of the moment makes Harry tremble. It comes flashing back to him, tangled legs, wet mouths, caressing fingers, assaulting tongues and he grips the counter, because he can't do this to Zayn. He's made it so far, he can't drag Zayn back.

 

"Harry?" Zayn nudges him with his hip, with plates in his both hands. Harry looks up and blinks at him, "I'll get beer."

"Are you sure you should be drinking that?"

Harry makes a show of rolling his eyes and ushers him out of the kitchen.

 

-

They sit on the couch, at the opposite ends with their ankles touching. Zayn tells him a lot of stories, and Harry can't help but laugh at them. Zayn narrows his eyes and pouts at him in return. Harry laughs more at that. Zayn folds his arms then and turns away from Harry. Harry doesn't think and reaches forward, grasps Zayn's ankle and bites at it. Zayn squeals and kicks playfully at Harry's chest. "Cheeky fucker." Zayn mutters and they both laugh.

Harry's still smiling when Zayn whispers, "You need to stop doing that you know. " Harry looks up at Zayn and tilts his head in confusion,

"What?"

Zayn's drawing patterns on Harry's ankle with his fingers and Harry has to take a deep breath because this is the closest he's been to Zayn in months.

"You know it Harry. You need to stop scaring me like that. You could have texted me to let me know you're busy." Zayn doesn't look up, but Harry feels the tremble in his fingers from where they're touching his ankle.

Harry doesn't say anything, he can't. He takes a deep breath.

 

"I was so scared Harry, so so scared. You know it's difficult for me to do this, to come here everytime and then-" Zayn sucks in a breath.

 

"Come back to me Zayn!"

Harry looks up and meets Zayn eyes,

"Please!"

Harry lets his tears fall then, lets his guard down for Zayn to see.

"Please Zayn."

Zayn's fingers still at his ankle.

 

\---

 

It wasn't easy is the thing. It's never easy. They were too fucked up. One moment they would fight and rip each other and the next they would be kissing each other like there's no tomorrow.

It fucked both of them, fucked them until there were no pieces left for them to put back together.

 

Zayn remembers doing it _then_ , making a move. They both needed help and space.

Zayn did it, one evening before Harry came back from his classes, Zayn packed his bags and cried in their bedroom for three hours, cried and cried until he heard Harry.

Harry knew it was coming, they weren't going to make it, he knew it.

But he _still_ pushed and pulled Zayn, begging him to stay, begging him to say something, but Zayn just cried.

Harry cried too then, his head tucked into Zayn's chest, he cried and cried. "I loved you so much Harry." Zayn had whispered and left.

 

-

So when Harry looks at him with tears in his eyes, pleading him to come back, Zayn thinks of the night he left.

They both took help, saw therapists, had sessions and gave each other space. Harry texts him and Zayn does too, but none of them dares to cross a line. Zayn comes to meet Harry, sometimes, and leaves before any one of them breaks and crumbles.

 

Zayn knows he _can't_ stay, they aren't good for each other. All they do is rip each other apart, rip each other until there's nothing left of them.

He shakes his head, he can _not_ stay.

"I can't Harry, you know I can't. I shouldn't."

Zayn keeps on shaking his head. Zayn doesn't even register it and Harry's on his lap in the next moment. Harry's trembling fingers travel over Zayn's cheeks slowly, until they reach his jaw and Harry holds them there.

 

Zayn looks up at Harry, and Harry knows he's winning. Zayn's crying too.

 

"Please Zayn, I want you so much. Please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I promise I won't act like an asshole anymore. I promise."Harry cries.

 

Zayn shakes his head again, defeated and tired.

"I won't break your heart Zayn." Zayn looks up. "I won't." Harry whispers against his lips and kisses him.

 

Harry kisses him with everything in him, every fibre of his being, every beat of his heart, he kisses and kisses Zayn until Zayn pants loud.

Harry pulls away to let Zayn breathe, but Zayn cries instead, a loud cry, and he hugs Harry, tight and close, and cries harder.

Harry breaks then, he kisses Zayn's hair and cries. Zayn looks up at him then and Harry's _torn_ at what he sees. _Dull and lifeless,_ Zayn's eyes don't twinkle at him anymore, his eyes are red and dark.

 

 _He_ did that to Zayn. They did that to each other. Zayn keeps crying, holding Harry's t-shirt tight in his hands.

Harry slowly removes Zayn's hands, Zayn panics and fists his t-shirt again, pulls Harry closer and looks at him, tears still flowing.

 

_Fight for me Harry, fight for us, tell me we'll be okay. Tell me! Tell me we'll make it._

 

"I can't do this Zayn." _I can't break you_.

.

Zayn stills at that, he looks at Harry and he gets it, he knows it. So he nods and loosens his grip on Harry. Harry gets up and walks to the door and Zayn follows him.

Harry opens the door for Zayn and Zayn looks at him, pleading eyes, and when Harry doesn't look up from the floor, Zayn leaves.

 

Harry closes the door and slides on the floor. "I loved you so much Zayn."

**Author's Note:**

> This was a little experimental, I'm nervous about it. Tell me what you think. xx


End file.
